SPARKED

For two days I have been thinking about writing this.  What SPARKED me is easy, a nudge to start working on my health again from Kat, Susan, Jennifer, Amy and Jessica.  Knowing that when I was ready so many people are still waiting to help me along.  That right there just feels so amazing!  Once I started realizing I CAN do this again along with everything else the little spark started.  I am working on trying to keep it from turning into a Bon Fire out of excitement though!

Me and Susan

The last few days the family has been excited for me but also come to a realization.  When Mommy is working on being healthy, they have to be healthy too.  It is bitter sweet for them because as of tomorrow morning all their favorite fattening and sugary foods are adios!  Not that they cannot have them now and again but I will no longer buy them and be the provider and dealer of such goods.

Which brings me to this picture

My kitchen counter this morning.  I did set my prescriptions next to the buffet for a reason.  They are all prescriptions I will not need if I get my health in check.  Today is the first time I really looked at the "treat" corner.  I almost did not share this picture because it is embarrassing and it makes me look and feel like a horrible mother, a horrible example to my children.  I am sharing it because I want to be honest with myself more than anything.  This sums it all up.  It is where I have been.  A blind state of easy old habits, filling my emotional needs with comfort food.  I have excuses and they are some damn good excuses!  You can go back in my blog and read about loss of my loved ones, my parents divorce, my business plans that did not go as planned and Rotten #2 losing his ability to walk for 2 months.  Those have been my crutches.  My security blanket.  Here I am now left with the aftermath of it all.  

49 pounds gained 

The month of December was full of moments of realization for me. I guess you could say a bunch of tiny little sparks that made me start thinking and believing.  Some of the things I realized is that life is ever changing.  There is no guarantee that it will always be good or easy.  There will ALWAYS be something if you allow there to be.  The choice is mine to make, no one forces the oreos down my throat.

So that is it.  Where I am at, where I have been and what SPARKED me to pick myself up and start again.  Looking forward to the future, reconnecting and the possibility of change!

XO Shannon