Gravy-1 Shannon-13

Many people think that because I am a baker and I am around sweets all day long that I really have a hard time not eating them.  Well that is true and it is not true.  For the most part I have had my moments of glutenous activity with cookies and cupcakes to where I just don't feel like I cannot resist.  At this point in my life I am pretty resilient unless I bake something brand new that I have not tried before, then it is difficult.
I know that I am an emotional eater.  I try my very best to stay aware of my moods and how it effects my food choices.  My emotions and my inability to keep  them under control at times is usually the demise of my success on so many levels.  For years it was beating myself up for not being good enough or feeling like I was worth it.  I can honestly say that I have gotten past those feeling of inadequacy and self hate.  What I have not been able to conquer is letting the things around me I cannot control get to me at sometimes. Part of my New Years resolution was to work on that and I have been, really I have.  There are things that I have let slide, thought it was not worth carrying and just tried not to focus on any of it.  Well this week threw me one to many! 
You know how when people walk through a mine field in movies you sit and wait for one to just blow the shit out of them?  That was my week!  It started with getting mad at Mr. Fabulous, got past it.  Had the employee from hell act like a two year old, got past it.  Thought about cheating (on my diet silly), got past it.  Dealt with my Dad that I cannot stand right now because he is a selfish *** that has destroyed so much in our family, set it aside.  Had to listen to someone that I love lie to me and pretend like they have not been very shady behind my back, set it aside.  AND THEN my mom, my very best friend, moved.  I contribute that to my selfish *** Dad and his actions and instead of setting it aside or dealing with it I did what any recovering food addict would do... I went to DQ and bought GRAVY, FRIES and CHICKEN!
So last night I sat in the parking lot of DQ during a massive snow storm eating my mine field.  When I do this I do not even taste it really.  It is just a numb chain of actions.  As I drove away I cried knowing that once again the gravy won this battle.  You see my weakness is not the sweets, it's gravy.  I know I am at my breaking point when I want gravy.  So stupid but it's true.
This morning I no longer feel sad or bad and I am choosing to forgive myself for falling down.  My point of writing this out is to acknowledge it and move forward.  I am allowing the little gravy saving angels to come down take it away and let it dissolve into the universe.  In two weeks we will just say the score is Gravy-1 and Shannon-13 the odds are definitely in my favor.
When I had the opportunity to meet the first female Biggest Loser Ali Vincent we talked about her still having bad days.  She told me that she no longer thinks 'I will wait until monday to get it back together' she chooses the next moment to make it right.  So I am choosing my moments carefully right now, knowing I am a bit fragile BUT resilient and worth it!