Today's "What If" post has been something I have been thinking about for a while. The last few have been simple compared to this one. I am not sure why but anytime I have to really think deeply about something it freaks me out a little. I do not like going there and digging up emotions and feelings.
Let me tell you how this came about.
Just about 1 month ago I started the Ideal Shape program with my new trainer Skyler. It took me close to a month after initially meeting with Skyler to finally get signed up. I had anxiety about starting yet another program. The whole thought of it was dejavu. I had done this so many times before and I just did not want to waste time and money on another one. The morning before my first weigh in and workout I had a conversation with my husband.
Husband- "Are you excited to start this new program?"
Me- "No I am really anxious about it."
Husband- "How come? I am sure you will do great!"
Me- "This one is a defining program for me. Today is either the start of finally changing or the start of another failure and it scares me."
Husband- "Well that is really up to you. I know you can do it."
For about 3 weeks before this I was in self sabotage mode. I am not sure why or what set it off other than I was at my lowest weight so far on this journey. Something about it just sent me into a spiral. It honestly took everything I had to make myself go meet with Skyler again but I did.
Now let me tell you something about Skyler that I like. He is kind and caring but he does not just beat around the bush. He knows the equation to lose weight and he will guide you but he expects you to do your part. That alone is exactly what I need but it scares the hell out of me to.
As Skyler and I were visiting I was telling him how I do not understand why I sabotage myself and how I can come so far and just give up. I have done it before several times and I do not want to do it again.
He listened to what I had to say and then said something that really hit me hard.
He said, "It sounds to me like you may be afraid to succeed."
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Why would I be afraid of success? Everyone likes to succeed that is ridiculous!
When I left I got thinking about what he said and I realized he was right! I have a pattern in my life that I will do things 100% get them going really well, give up and move on. Knowing this I called my brother and asked him his thoughts. He said, "Well I can see how that could be possible." that was his nice was of saying "Yeah I think Skyler is right." then I called my mom and she said, "You know Shannon I think you are onto something here." the last call and hardest call I made was to my husband and again he confirmed that Skyler was right.
There was a part of me that was kind of ticked off at Skyler. I mean who is he to just say something like that to me? Then there was the other part of me that could not believe someone was finally honest with me and was so willing to help me break this pattern.
So far I have lost 7 pounds working with Skyler. I have had major scheduling issues and am still working on getting everything down right. The best thing about all of it is we are working it out and Skyler is helping me figure out a plan that works with my schedule. I love that he has just not let me off the hook. That would be really easy to do!
My thoughts have changed from "I am never going to meet my goals." to "What if I succeed?". What if I do? All of the time you hear about stories where people finally get it right. There is always a last time before success if found. What if this is mine?
Anything is possible,
Shannon
XO
What If Wednesday is inspired by Fitarella.
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